I’ve been away for a while so I apologize. Time makes the heart grow fonder right? Does that count in this case or is that just for horny, you-make-me-sick-to-my-stomach, emotional, love struck hopefuls? Wow, that was harsh, but kind of sweet when it’s happening to YOU right? Ummm, yeah, I’m so off topic.
This post is dedicated to those who are tired of hiding who they are and desire to be, tired of being scared to live, worried about what others think of them, and those who love Olivia Newton-Johns character, Sandy, from the movie Grease. Now here comes the victory rant of the day (do not fall asleep)…
I’m a very sentimental person and I will admit that I am a free spirit who gets teary eyed over the most simple things. If you’re sitting next to me on a plane, you’ll probably see a trickle of love juice fall from my eye during take-off because I just think aviation is so f-ing awesome. Isn’t there just something symbolic about flying? Sometimes I want to smack myself for being so sensitive (just joking), but when I honestly think about that side of myself, I’m very proud for having the ability to actually give a damn about the simple and beautiful things in life. Especially compared to many others these days.
Yep, again, I’m very sentimental and sometimes having that much faith and positivity leads to plenty of heartbreak and disappointments. I sometimes ask myself why is it that I care so much for other people and not enough for myself. I don’t always put forth the effort of taking care of myself and even though inside I know that I am an amazing person, I don’t always feel that I’m doing enough. At some point you have to realize that when you’re the one who is doing all of the giving, it kind of sucks to not get anything in return. I’ve reached that ” this sucks” point. When I look back at all of the time and support that I’ve invested into friendships and relationships and knowing now that those people could care less about me, I can honestly say that this is definitely a case of diminishing returns. So what? I won’t have as many “friends” as I use to, but I’ll still have a great family and a few real friends who care. All of that self-neglect has taken its toll and people, I’m ready for a reinvention. A cleansing. A new me. New scenery. New friends. New Job. A Healthy Journey! I must thank Sandy from Grease for the inspiration. Now that doesn’t mean that I want to become a size Nothing, wear a shiny body hugging suit (well, that would be kind of hot), and smoke cigs, but there is something liberating about personal change.
It’s now time to focus on myself and I don’t care if others think that I don’t care simply because I’m not kissing their asses. Yes, I’m afraid of many things in life. I’m afraid to swim, I’m afraid of sharks, and I’m afraid of getting gray hair, but I will never be afraid of being a good person to deserving people. If my current fears bore the hell out everyone else, then so be it. Being excessively attentive to other people’s needs has left me in many situations where I have been used and neglected and it is what has led to my recent depression, but deep down I know that this is only a phase. It makes me feel good to know that I have a great heart and that I am capable of loving and caring despite being abused for many years. I could have chosen to become a prostitute, drug addict, or anything else to cope with the pain, but I chose to forgive instead. It feels good to know that I have the ability to still love those who have mistreated me and wish them the best, but honestly speaking that’s just the generic language of forgiveness that basically means “FORGET YOU SUCKAS, I’M MOVIN’ ON!”
So, the lessons of life. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t underestimate yourself and your ability to do whatever you want to do in life just because someone else doesn’t believe in you, that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t lose yourself in the process of trying to help other people. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and tell the cuttie at the coffee shop that you think he/she has a great smile. Finally, you are beautiful, strong, and always worth the investment of loving and caring unconditionally despite the outcome.