I’m not much of a girly girl, but I have my moments. Just the other day I was motivated by some evil spirit to try on two sexy body hugging dresses, but with all of the lumps and bumps I’ve got to lose, the only way I was even going to look somewhat decent was to follow in the footsteps of my fellow, Alaskan beauty, Sarah Palin. It’s Spanx time, people.
For some reason, I decided to grab the most hideous body shaper or as some of my friends say, the “human condom.” Imagine wearing the shorts version of a wet suit, no sleeves, and an open front that pushes up the girls. That was what I was dealing with. Once inside of my dressing room, I stood there for a moment, staring at myself, then staring at the two hot dresses and that horrible “thing.” I finally decided to swallow my pride, strip down, and start the game of tug-of-war with Spanx. I pulled and pulled and pulled, I stopped, took a breath, and then pulled some more until finally I looked just like a human condom. There’s no chance in hell that anything is moving or going to fall out of this thing, but the most amazing thing happened. All of my lumps and bumps were gone. Sure, I looked like absolutely ridiculous, but I kind of felt stupid for waiting so long to give Spanx a try. Once I slid on those sexy dresses, I had “instant confidence,” just like the packaged promises.
You know what? I stayed in that dressing room for about 30 minutes modeling and taking pictures of myself. I’m definitely going to make a Spanx investment and once I find the perfect fit, I’m going to wear it everywhere, well, not everywhere. It’s not the most sexually appealing thing to wear when you want to get some lovin’, but trust me, when you put that thing on underneath a sexy outfit, you’ll have to knock the boys off with a stick. Yeah, people, I’ve been Spanxed and I think I like it!