Cookie Dough Rehab

I am apologizing in advanced if this photo offends anyone, but I am a huge fan of Family Guy and could not pass it up.

Today I decided to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies because I was stressed.  Baking relaxes me, it excites me, it moooooves me.  I just love it.  The problem with all of this is that I also love to eat it, the raw cookie dough especially, and although I usually divide the recipe in half, I still manage to make more than I should.  So who eats them?  Well, in my mind I would like to make a little goody box for my family, friends, starving children all around the world, and save just one or two for myself.  Yeah, right!  Those bad boys do not stand a chance in my world.  I will eat them until I feel sick or they are gone, but something happened today.  So much for Michael Pollan’s, Food Rule #39: Eat all the junk you want just as long as you make it yourself.  I am sure this is a rule worth breaking in my case.  In the middle of all of this baking and sampling madness, I took the first step of admitting that I have a serious problem.

As I waited for the first batch to cook, I continued to eat a spoonful of dough every time I walked passed the bowl.  Why?  Was it really that darn good? Ummmmm, maybe.  Was it because I was hungry?  Nope, I had eaten veggie pizza.  What was I thinking about while I ate it?  BAMMMMM!  Jack Pot!  That is the correct question.  BINGO!  Every time I took in another spoonful, one thing came to mind.  Heartbreak!

The Story: Last year I lost a friend.  Someone who taught me to enjoy life and I was able to be myself around him.  This was a person I trusted and supported through a difficult time in their life and in the end he turned his back on me when I needed support for myself.  It is a very hurtful feeling to know that my efforts as a friend or good person in general were never accepted or respected.  Ultimately, I felt used, ugly, stupid, and not good enough for him.  (I know that is silly, but that is what I felt at the time.)  I shut down for a little while because I was confused and devastated.  It hurt me to think that every day I was with this person was a lie, but I am pushing through the pain.  However, sometimes I still feel down when I think about it and today was one of those days.  This is part of my “TRUTH” and part of the reason I am having a hard time losing weight this month.  I want to focus on dealing with these feelings and finding something positive and physical to do in order to avoid the Cookie Dough Monster and his friends in the future.  I am now one step closer to recovery and a bangin’ body.  Oh, yeah….and Blog#5.

Healthy Journey!

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